Junior S.D. Shirley Mullet and the Mystery of Mummy’s Pearl Necklace

“Home for the hols at last, I can’t wait to see Mummy and Daddy and Pussy again, and I do hope Mrs Harris will be at the station,” said a jubilant Shirley Mullet to her best friend Simon as the train meandered through the emerald green valley.  Simon looked past Shirley’s pretty face and out of the window at the scenery rolling by “I do hope so too Shirl, Mrs Harris is the best housekeeper ever, thanks so much for inviting me to stay for the hols, we shall have lots of games, and who knows, perhaps even an adventure or two”.   The two young children smiled and began to gather their belongings as the friendly conductor came by to tell them their stop was approaching ”Cumfree Cottage, next station, that’s Cumfree Cottage, come now children, gather your things, Shirley, your parents will be waiting for you, good lad Simon, help the little lady”.

The two children stepped off the train into the crisp, fresh, wholesome country air.  “Here comes Father now, and Mrs Harris” said Shirley in excited tones, “But where could Mother be? She must be at home baking us treacle tarts for afternoon tea!”  As Mrs Harris approached, Shirley dropped her port and ran  past her father and into the apron strings of the happy fat slut who had been the family’s help since Shirley was an infant.  “It’s so good to see you Mrs Harris, I can’t wait to tell you everything I have learnt at school this term, why, I can probably read better than you now!”  Mrs Harris smiled, a big cheerful, toothy smile “All in good time Miss Shirley Mullet, first, you must give your father a proper greeting, he has driven here himself today, just to collect you!”

After the salutations were complete, Mr Mullet piled the children’s ports into Mrs Harris’ waiting arms and directed them all to the auto.  They had a twenty-minute drive ahead of them before reaching Cumfree Cottage, and Mr Harris wanted to make good time before the sun went down.

“Father, I hope you haven’t forgotten that tomorrow is Mother’s birthday, have you a gift prepared?”  Mr Mullet stared ahead as he drove across the well-worn track, after a brief pause he said with a smile, “Well Shirley, I think I’d like to give her a pearl necklace”.  “Oh that is capital!” Shirley exclaimed. “Mother does love jewellery, she will be chuffed, when shall you give it to her Father, can Simon and I be there?”   “I’m sorry Shirley, but as I have to be at the farmer’s market by dawn, I’ll have to give your mother her pearl necklace in the wee hours, you’ll be tucked up and toasty in your bed” her father replied.  Shirley, determined not to look disappointed in front of her guest, continued with her cheerful prattle and banter.

“That child could talk underwater with a mouth full of gooseberries” said Mrs Harris to Mother that evening after the children had finished their supper and finally gone to bed. “I know”, Mrs Mullet replied, “that’s why she’s been at boarding school since she was three”. The two women chuckled and with a knowing glance, Mrs Harris said “Well, I understand you have a long night ahead, I’d best be off to my quarters for the night Mrs Mullet, gosh, it must nearly nine o’clock by now! I hope you enjoy your birthday gift from Mr Mullet, I hear it’s quite special this year”. “Good night Mrs Harris, have I told you today, you are a brick, I’ll put Pussy out tonight, now do go to bed dear”, Mrs Mullet replied.

Mrs Mullet piled some more wood into the Aga stove, completed her toilet, gathered her Pussy into her arms and tippy toed up the stairs and into the master bedroom where she prepared herself to perform her wifely duties. Her husband had something special planned for her birthday. She did hope it involved food, young Simon really was a greedy-guts at supper, and she was famished.

Later that night, young Simon laid in the spare room, his eyes wide open in terror. What could that ghastly, queer noise be, a banshee? a ghost? Then he remembered, Shirley had told him that the old farmhouse often grunted, groaned and moved about as it settled during the night.  Her father had told her it was all quite normal. Still, he had never heard of a house sobbing, and he could have sworn he had heard someone calling out to God.  It must be my imagination, it’s been a long day, he thought before drifting off back to sleep.

The next morning both Shirley and Simon leapt out of bed and made their way to the kitchen. “Hurrah! Pancakes with fresh cream and crumpets with treacle!!” Shirley shouted with glee. “Hurry Simon, take a seat and let’s get started” As the children finished their delicious breakfast, Mrs Mullet came down the stairs and sat at the table.  “I say Mother, you do look like you haven’t slept a wink, are you alright?” Shirley enquired.  “Oh and happy birthday, quickly Simon, lets sing for Mother!” After the lengthy song finished, Mrs Mullet thanked the children and sent Mrs Harris out to the apothecary for some laudanum.

“Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, where is your birthday gift from Father? I do so dearly wish to see your pearl necklace, I’ve not seen one before, do pearls really taste salty like the sea??”  Mrs Mullet stood up and looked anxiously around the room, “Well Shirley, it’s a strange thing, your father gave me the pearl necklace in the wee hours of the morning before he set out to the farmer’s market, but I’ll be darned if I can find it now.  It really is a mystery, I’ll be sure to show you if I find it…” Mrs Mullet had left the room as she was talking.  Simon was bursting with excitement “Shirley, a mystery, can we solve it?  We must try!”  “Of course” replied Shirley, “After breakfast we shall cycle down to the ring field where the gypsies are camped, we shall start by making enquiries there”. The children washed up, politely thanked Mrs Harris for the meal and then ran out to the barn where the bicycles were kept.

Although Simon looked a right queer sight on Shirley’s old pink bicycle adorned with ribbons and baskets, the two children made haste and arrived at the gypsy camp in next to no time. “Now Shirley, you let me talk to the gypos, it’s a man’s business, and they can’t be trusted,” Simon told her. “But Simon, why don’t you talk to the menfolk, and I will ask that haggard old tart, why look she must be 30! I wonder how many bastards she has?”.

“Excuse me Romany lady, excuse me, yes you, old woman!” Shirley called out after the gypsy lass across the field. “You really must help us.  We are local children, and if there is trouble we shall call the police.  Now, please stop right there, we need your assistance.”  The gypsy woman stopped gathering “lucky” heather and waited until the children reached her.  She didn’t want any trouble with the law and this girl looked like she had quite a big mouth on her.  “What can I do for you child, how can a useless old Romany woman help?”  Shirley piped up “Well Gypsy Rosa, last night my father gave Mother a pearl necklace, and this morning she says she can’t find it to show me.  Can you help us find it?”. “Step into my caravan child” the gypsy invited.

The caravan was dark and musty, there were scarves and idols and trinkets cluttered everywhere.  Shirley had never been in such an unholy place; she took the only chair and waited patiently. The old gypsy took Shirley’s hand in her own and looked at her palm.  “Child, you are still young, you have a lot to learn of the ways of the world of grown ups.  One day you will be a great detective; your curiosity is clearly a talent that you must learn to harness.  In the meantime, give up on this search, you will not find this pearl necklace. Tell your Mother that  pearls should be placed in a clam, not around the neck.  She will understand what an old gypsy means.  Give up on the search child! We will have no trouble here!  Now go and take your friend with you, run away child, run” she screamed.

Shirley pushed past the old hag and called out to Simon, together they ran to their bicycles and cycled away as fast as they could. Stopping at a safe distance from the gypsies, Shirley recovered her composure and told Simon everything the gypsy hag had told her.  “Gosh”, he replied, “Perhaps we should go to the police, we can report those scoundrels and your mother’s missing pearl necklace. “Yes” said Shirley resolutely. “We must tell the police everything, lets go!”

The children parked their bicycles against the fence of the small village police station.  Inside, Captain Cartwright was busy enjoying an apple pie.  “Come on in Shirley Mullet, what a fine young lass you’ve turned out to be, how old are you now child?”  “Eleven, Sir, and this is my best friend from school Simon Glasser. Captain Cartwright, we need your help solving a mystery” Shirley courteously replied.  “Well it’s a pleasure to be of assistance to such fine young children, tell me all about it, leave nothing out” the jolly fat officer said as he patted his ample knees for Shirley and Simon to sit upon.

Shirley spent the next five minutes thoroughly explaining the missing pearl necklace and complaining about the gypsies to the corpulent captain. “Well Shirley, that really is a grown up mystery.  I think it might be too difficult for young children to solve this one.  Perhaps you should tell your Mother that a pearl necklace belongs in her purse, not around her neck.  She will understand what I mean.  Now Shirley and Simon, forget all about this pearl necklace business and in the meantime, I’ll move those Gypsy rascals on.  Now Shirley, I need a quiet word with our young visitor Simon, run along like a good lass”.  Shirley dutifully obeyed and when seeing they were alone, Captain Cartwright continued.  “Well, Simon, you’re a strapping young lad, how would you like take a part in a surprise?” Simon loved surprises and enthusiastically nodded his head in agreement. “Very well”, the Captain continued, “Meet me tonight in the Mullet’s barn at midnight, I’ll give you your very own pearl necklace to keep. But you must promise not to tell anyone, not even our good friend young Shirley”. “Oh Sir, I promise” Simon exclaimed, his head dizzy with excitement.  His very own pearl necklace, he would give it to his sister for Christmas! “But what about Mrs Mullet’s pearl necklace, can’t you help us find that too?” he enquired.  “I’m afraid not Simon, I’m sure it is gone, but I’m certain Farmer Mullet will give her another, now run along boy”.

Shirley was bewildered, why wouldn’t anyone help? First the Gypsies brushed them off, and now the police! This mystery was getting too much to deal with before lunchtime. They decided to head back to Cumfree Cottage for light refreshments and a chat to Mother.

“Mother”, Shirley cried, after the delicious spread that Mrs Harris had made was all eaten, “We have simply tried everything to find your pearl necklace!  But nobody will help, the gypsies camped down at the ring field brushed me off when I spoke to them, the gypsy hag said that pearls belong in a clam, not around your neck, and Captain Cartwright told us that pearl necklaces should be kept in a purse! But nobody will help us find the pearl necklace Father gave you this morning in the wee hours!  If only I knew what a pearl necklace looked like!”

Simon suddenly piped up with a bright idea, “Shirley, Mrs Mullet, I know, this afternoon we will put wanted posters up onto every post in the village, they will say  – Wanted Information on what has happened to the pearl necklace that was generously given to Mrs Mullet by her loving husband Farmer Mullet in the wee hours of her birthday morning.  The whole town is bound to see it and a kind stranger will be sure to explain what has happened!”

Meanwhile Mrs Mullet had turned a strange shade of pink and then red.  A rash appeared to be spreading across her ample bosom and up her neck toward her face. “Shirley, Simon”, she said with authority, “Ummm, while you were out, I think I figured out what may have happened to the pearl necklace that Father gave me this morning for my birthday in the wee hours.  If I recall correctly, and I was half asleep when he gave it to me, well, it’s quite possible that Pussy was chewing on it and accidentally swallowed it.  I know that sounds odd, but Pussy didn’t get a large meal last night on account of Simon’s big appetite, so I think that’s what must have happened.  So we will drop the matter right now.  Mystery solved!  There’s no need for posters or telling anymore of the town folks, ok”

“Hurrah for Mother, she solved the mystery!” Shirley cheered at the supper table that evening. “Father, did Mother tell you that her Pussy swallowed the pearl necklace, I shall wait up all night until he toilets so we can get it back. Hurrah!”  Later that night Shirley fell asleep clutching her Mother’s Pussy in her hands, thinking about the fun she’d had being a detective that day. At ten pm, her father gently picked her up and carried off to her own bed where she enjoyed a deep slumber.

Later, Simon laid awake in his bed patiently waiting for midnight.  It did  feel like an eternity. The old farmhouse made its strange settling noises again, but they stopped as suddenly as they had started.  Finally, after what felt like an age, it was midnight. With great enthusiasm Simon climbed out of the bedroom window and down the honeysuckle growing on the wall outside. Without a sound, he skipped along and made his way toward the dark barn, eager to be given his very own secret pearl necklace.